The Bigamist Bride: My Five Husbands

Having been ill for a few days and away for a few more, every day didn't quite work out. Epic fail.

I want to say a bit about a documentary I watched just now, and you can watch it here:

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-bigamist-bride-my-five-husbands

The whole documentary was edited to demonise the subject, Emily Horne, who has been married five times, despite never having had a divorce.

I agree that her behaviour is both bizarre and abhorrent, but what is truly appalling is that such a damning documentary was made about a woman whose mental state is clearly crumbling.

Any monkey watching this documentary can see that this woman is not right in the head. The way she speaks is slow and disturbing, deliberate, as if every word is planned to create maximum effect. She clearly believes her own lies to some extent and is desperate to paint a portrait of herself as a victim, a romantic heroine, misunderstood by all, fierce and defiant, perhaps even a feminist hero. She needs serious help. The last thing she needs is a sensationalist documentary, purporting this terribly unwell woman to be an evil mastermind, chewing off victim after victim.

For the entire documentary, Emily remains sullen, self-righteous and melodramatic. Her puzzling version of events changes radically from moment to moment and she seems very adept at lying in order to maintain maximum sympathy in any situation. She is a woman in need of serious psychological help, perhaps even sectioning. She is obviously unable to function in society, and feels incapable of gaining love without generating massive sympathy.

I don't deny that the documentary was entertaining, I don't condone her actions and I certainly didn't find her to be a very sympathetic character, but I have concerns that the majority of people watching this programme will not be watching with love and empathy, but she will become a pariah, instead of getting well and being able to function normally in society.

John and Edward

Let's talk about John and Edward. In case you don't know who they are (if you don't, massive respect) here's an exciting reminder:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr-p-3CC3AU

John and Edward are like some horrible science experiment gone really, really wrong. If there was ever an argument for abortion, here they are: Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-GetthefuckoffmyfuckingTVyoumakemyearssad.

1. They look like escaped Oompa Loompas, like somewhere Willy Wonka is running around trying to find them before they talk...
2. They just can't sing. Not in the way all the other contestants can't sing, but in the way that they shouldn't be allowed to sing in front of anyone, let alone on national TV. It's so bad that they have to sing in unison, like confused four year olds who have been shoved into the limelight at a great aunt's birthday party and told by their overbearing and deluded stage mother to sing a song. "It's OK, we'll sing together." This breathtaking display of musical inadequacy is one thing but
3. What's with the whole homoerotic incestuous undertone? And last week, why was Louis grinning away at them as if he's whacking off a quick one under the table?
4. Further to 3, watch the video. Just watch it. They do the whole "I thought the old lady through it into the ocean" bit. In bad American accents. To each other. Why don't they just make out and get it over with? We all know.

So there we go, John and Edward (couldn't even come up with a terrible band name, like "Two Much" or "There's Two Of Us For Some Reason") and why, on this occasion, it's OK to waste good money calling the X-Factor if only to boot these two irksome little shits right back to Loompa Land. Where are the Daily Mail on this? Damn Loompas, taking our X-Factor places...

Ugh.