John and Edward

Let's talk about John and Edward. In case you don't know who they are (if you don't, massive respect) here's an exciting reminder:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr-p-3CC3AU

John and Edward are like some horrible science experiment gone really, really wrong. If there was ever an argument for abortion, here they are: Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-GetthefuckoffmyfuckingTVyoumakemyearssad.

1. They look like escaped Oompa Loompas, like somewhere Willy Wonka is running around trying to find them before they talk...
2. They just can't sing. Not in the way all the other contestants can't sing, but in the way that they shouldn't be allowed to sing in front of anyone, let alone on national TV. It's so bad that they have to sing in unison, like confused four year olds who have been shoved into the limelight at a great aunt's birthday party and told by their overbearing and deluded stage mother to sing a song. "It's OK, we'll sing together." This breathtaking display of musical inadequacy is one thing but
3. What's with the whole homoerotic incestuous undertone? And last week, why was Louis grinning away at them as if he's whacking off a quick one under the table?
4. Further to 3, watch the video. Just watch it. They do the whole "I thought the old lady through it into the ocean" bit. In bad American accents. To each other. Why don't they just make out and get it over with? We all know.

So there we go, John and Edward (couldn't even come up with a terrible band name, like "Two Much" or "There's Two Of Us For Some Reason") and why, on this occasion, it's OK to waste good money calling the X-Factor if only to boot these two irksome little shits right back to Loompa Land. Where are the Daily Mail on this? Damn Loompas, taking our X-Factor places...

Ugh.